The Moment You Stop Looking Ahead, You Die

It’s okay to constantly want more — it’s actually not okay not to.

Recently I had a chat with my grandma. She is a seventy-six-year-old woman, active and good-looking, who recently won a swimming competition in Latvia among swimmers from fifty to seventy, and she also teaches children to swim in a local school. But besides that, she is actively engaged in the promotion of the poetry books of her late son — my dad — for over five years now.

So I asked her a question that had been bothering me for a few recent years: “Listen, why do you do all this? You are giving these books too much of yourself, and there are still zero guarantees for this venture to ever turn out the way you want. Dad was talented, but maybe it’s time to chill and give all this attention to yourself?”.

Her answer struck me with insight. She said: “All that I have been doing in my life — all the relationships, work, all the fun that I had — this all somehow had its particular, natural meaning. It had been heading me somewhere. Now, when I’m seventy-six, this meaning doesn’t come naturally anymore. It was replaced with the thought that all the best have already happened. This thought is haunting people my age. So now I have to create a new meaning for myself every single morning. Meaning that will get me out of bed. Because the very moment I will lose this meaning, there will be nothing to get up for”.

These words are gold. They catch out on a big problem, which is a core for people with depression and apathy — the lack of something meaningful ahead of them.

When your mind is convinced that all your life is concentrated behind, there is nothing to look forward to anymore. This lack leads to a decrease of dopamine, which is responsible for motivation and joy from the movement towards your goal. When this lack becomes constant, the decrease will eventually lead one to anhedonia (inability to enjoy things), apathy, and depression.

There is no surprise in that — we literally evolved as constantly-heading-somewhere creatures. It’s our inner “Perpetuum mobile” that has been pushing us in the back throughout history. That forced us to move forward and explore new places and, eventually, conquer the whole world.

Like it or hate it, but the constant pursuit of something is the most natural state we can be in. And it’s our brain and endocrine system that are urging us to do so. It’s our nature that wants us, as the famous quotation says, to “stay hungry, stay foolish.”

This has led me to the conclusion:

The moment you stop looking ahead of you, you start slowly dying.

And to avoid that, you always need to have a goal. Even if your goal is, well, to find a goal.

This is not idle talk. We instinctively crave meaning to get us out of bed. If we don’t have one, we pine away and die. Or, which happens more often, we start losing ourselves in cheap dopamine pleasures like porn, games, alcohol social media.

Oftentimes, some of us try to find the lost meaning in another person. They fall into addictive relationships with zero understanding of the reason behind it. They think they found their purpose, unconsciously throwing all the responsibility for their happiness on this person.

By doing so, they just plug the hole by another person — the hole where their own accomplishments and aspirations should be.

So, there is always something you need to want, even if you have everything. Because the moment you stop, you’ll start to stagnate.

Happiness is a second before you want more.

Remember Alexander the Great. The guy had everything: from home and food to the privilege of being Aristotle’s student. And yet, he wanted more. He wanted something he did not have. As a result, the man has changed the course of our history.

You don’t have to change the world to create a meaningful life. Your own life and life of your surroundings will be just enough.

Opportunity to become better at your craft. To become useful. To become healthier. To make your life more interesting. To gain respect from your peers. To make it better with your partner. To earn a promotion and prove yourself that you can. To spread your message across more people. To discover different countries and their cultures.

Choose any.

It’s not about the gain itself. It actually never is. It’s always about the chase.

An anticipation of something greater ahead is one of the highest joys you can ever be blessed with. And you can create it with your bare hands by constantly having that greater something you can chase.

With gratitude and respect to what you already have. And, if you are lucky enough, hand in hand with the closest people of yours.

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